Reflections and General “Stream of Consciousness…

I know you haven’t heard from me in a while but I’ve been far too busy acting like a 23 year old. A few years ago, I decided that I would celebrate my birthday for the entire month of December. You see, my birthday is two days after Christmas and most people are far too busy “doing the holiday thing” to pay any attention to my birthday. That being said, I’ve done my best not to miss a party or a “Happy Hour” within the last month or so… Funny thing about acting like a 23 year old in a 43 year old body… All I can say is thank God for alkaline water, naproxen and chiropractors. I’ve been having a great time but when I wake up in the middle of the night, when it’s quiet and I have the opportunity to think and pray and reflect, I begin to wonder what I really have to show after these 43 years on the planet? What have I done and what am I doing to make a difference? I know people often get reflective around their birthday and the beginning of a new year. As it happens, in my case, they come at almost the same time. I came to a decision in church Sunday. I know this year I must do a better job of remembering that everything I do or don’t do affects the life and future of another person – my adorable son. I can say that I am proud to have been given the opportunity by God to bring this wonderful human being into the world and I’m going to do my best, with God’s help not to “screw him up too bad!” It occurred to me the other night, All the time I spend trying to build our businesses and earn a living are not going to mean “squat” if I wake up one day and my son and I don’t know each other. I also know without a doubt, I’m a much happier mom when I get a chance to “blow off a little steam” every now and then. I also heard a line in a movie that really made me think. Although I’m still married and not dating, the lady in the movie made a profound statement, “ I don’t have time for dating…every man I deal with must be a potential father for my son.” I took that in a different direction. Everyone I come in contact with or spend a great deal of time with, could potentially affect both of our lives if I don’t make smart decisions.

That being said, I was paying bills and looking at my monthly budget and trying not to let fear over take me. I went to an Open House the other night for a school in which I am considering enrolling my son. It was wonderful seeing the great opportunities this education would afford him. They did an excellent job with their “sales pitch.” Of course being in sales I know how it works. You show the potential client how wonderful the product is that you are trying to sell, then you “hit them” with the costs! I knew it was expensive but wow! I talked with the admissions person and the principal and they said that they offer financial aid so I should not let cost deter me… I think I understand the true meaning of unselfishness now. There is nothing that I want for myself right now more than I want to be able to give this opportunity to my son. I spoke with God the other night and I told him that he would have to show me how in the world I could do this without sacrificing any type of extra anything in our budget? You see, we don’t have extra money in our budget. I also heard an interesting sermon on Sunday about how selfish God’s people seem to be towards him. I’m not pointing fingers; I am including myself as well. I have decided that I must do a better job of giving my 10%! I decided that since I’m not really getting a paycheck that I don’t need to tithe. However, I am getting my bills paid every month so that is no excuse. Just because I don’t take a check to the bank to deposit, doesn’t mean that my needs aren’t being met. That is the whole point! I am struggling because I am not giving God what is rightfully HIS! I considered the fact that I find the money to do most of the things that I consider important but when it’s time to pay tithes, I “come up short.” So God has decided to show me just how life can be when you don’t even make an effort to give him what is his in the first place. I won’t belabor the point but I WILL DO BETTER OR ELSE! I really don’t want the else! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to let you “inside my head!” I’ll try not to let it be so long until the next time we talk!